I used to think the same. That I had to become an amazing, multi-tasking, never-frazzled Wonder Woman before I could say I had anything of value to give.
Until my dad had a stroke and, among the messages of support that flowed in, a high school classmate I rarely spoke to told me that she still remembered the day I gave her a bookmark out of the blue, with no reason other than it reminded me of her and I thought she might like it. I have no memory of this at all, but the gesture had moved her enough to keep it and tell me about it when I was in distress.
It helped, because I realized that the little things matter. Our small, daily gestures can have a much greater impact than we'll ever know. If you don't believe me, why not try one of these suggestions below?
1. Smile.
When someone smiles at you, it's reflex to smile back. Just seeing another person's happy face can be catching (much like yawning), so why not be someone who spreads joy? Bonus: smiling ups your own good mood.
2. Listen.
So many of us don't really listen to what our loved ones tell us. We think about other subjects while they're talking, or try to come up with responses (often about ourselves) while their lips are still moving. Instead, try to really listen to another person's story. Validate their feelings and ask interested questions about them. We all appreciate a good listener!
3. Talk to a stranger.
At a bus stop, in line for groceries, wherever you are -- try striking up a conversation with the person next to you. If it doesn't go well or they're distant, you can stop. You might be surprised at how many people are glad to respond, though. Tip: weather's always a safe conversation starter.
4. Give someone what they ask for.
Someone wants to borrow your vacuum cleaner or they want a helping hand with moving. There's a busker on the street playing for change. While these requests require various levels of effort from us, it's a warm feeling to know that you helped make someone else's day a little bit easier.
5. Volunteer your time.
While it would be nice to have pots of money, time is even more valuable. Contact an organization you're interested in and ask about volunteer opportunities. Not only do you get to make a real difference to the organization and its cause, you'll also meet like-minded people who feel the same way. Now there's a way to meet community members!
6. Help with a chore.
Is Mum always the one to do the dishes? Is it your roommate's turn to clean the kitchen, except he's got exams this week and obviously stressed? Unless it's someone who enjoys cleaning for the sake of cleaning, offer to lend a helping hand.
7. Get in touch with an old friend.
Daily life is demanding. That's why it's completely normal to not talk to old friends for a while, but don't forget them entirely. Call or email someone you haven't chatted to lately, or even better, meet up for a cup of coffee. Being able to reconnect with your oldest relationships is an irreplaceable feeling.
8. Share something.
See an article, picture, or event coming up that you know your friend might like? Tell them about it! I know I'm always thrilled when a friend sends me a link to a song they think I'll enjoy, because it also means they were thinking of me. It's another way of maintaining connection.
9. Express appreciation.
Tell your loved ones how you feel. Say thank you more often. Be explicit in your appreciation: "Thank you for coming by today and listening to me rant. I feel a lot better now." It will give them warm, fuzzy feelings. They might blush awkwardly, too.
10. Hug.
Thanks to Gretchen Rubin over at The Happiness Project, I've learned that you should hug for at least six seconds to really get the happy chemicals flowing. More than this, hugs are sometimes the only meaningful form of communication when words just won't do.
BONUS 11. Come out to a Papergirl workshop.
Come meet us and other folks who just want to have fun with paint and bike parts! (You know I couldn't resist the plug.)
What ideas do you have on things we can do for each other?
- Lillienne Zen
P.S. My dad made a 99% recovery and is fine now, so all's well that ends well!